Like in my mind there are levels of suck. There's like a little sucky, sucky, and then "Holy crap this really sucks." A little sucky is when you're walking through your apartment/house in socks and then you walk into the bathroom and somehow step into a puddle of water that your feet left on the floor from the shower that morning. Sucky is when you're walking into the kitchen in the middle of the night wearing socks and then you step in dog pee and track it all through the kitchen, only to realize what happened when you're wondering why your socks are wet, and then you cut on the light to see your dog looking extremely suspicious with that yellowish puddle and realize you now have to mop the whole floor in the middle of the night. "Holy Crap this really sucks" is when you're running downstairs in the basement to pick up something while wearing socks, and as soon as you hit the bottom step, your foot splashes, and you cut on the light to realize the basement has flooded, everything is wet and holy crap, how am I supposed to get all this water out of here. (I include the socks because nothing sucks more than wet socks.)
That's what re-reading and editing a novel is like. It starts off just a little sucky and then slowly but surely progresses into "Holy crap this really sucks." You find yourself wading through the pool of words trying to figure out how to take all the stuff that doesn't belong out, and make everything else perfect and nice, and you have no idea how to do it, or if it can even be done.
Like the problem with my novel is, first of all, is my premise even interesting? I think it is, but I'm in my head all day, so of course I think it is. Do the words I put on the page make anyone want to read more, or pull their hair out. Is it ridiculously stupid and idiotic? Will people that read it hand it back to me with a lighter to set it on fire?
Then it makes me think about myself. I wrote it. But, like I said before, I'm in my head all day. There are things that I like and don't like that others don't feel the same about. What if all of that stuff is in the book? What if I'm just not a like-able person and all the stuff I write is also not like-able. What if traits of my characters are things that make readers think the characters are idiots? It would be then that I realize that I must be an idiot inside too. Of course, I have an extremely tough skin when I'm in front of people but still.
Anyway, I just wanted to take a break to tell you how I feel. It sucks right now, and I know I'll get through it and feel a little better when I'm done but right now, holy crap! This sucks.
