Thursday, May 9, 2013

Random Rant Thursday: Multiple levels of Suck

Hey everyone, I'm feeling pretty crappy right now. I follow a lot of authors, and I've read all about their writing process. They all talk about how I feel right now. The time when you're reading your work and you think, "Does this suck?" I heard all about it. How you look at it and you begin doubting it, wondering if it's really as good as you think it is. I hear its a pretty sucky time in the writer's life and the problem isn't that I didn't believe them...I did! The problem is that I didn't realize just how much it would actually suck.

Like in my mind there are levels of suck. There's like a little sucky, sucky, and then "Holy crap this really sucks." A little sucky is when you're walking through your apartment/house in socks and then you walk into the bathroom and somehow step into a puddle of water that your feet left on the floor from the shower that morning. Sucky is when you're walking into the kitchen in the middle of the night wearing socks and then you step in dog pee and track it all through the kitchen, only to realize what happened when you're wondering why your socks are wet, and then you cut on the light to see your dog looking extremely suspicious  with that yellowish puddle and realize you now have to mop the whole floor in the middle of the night. "Holy Crap this really sucks" is when you're running downstairs in the basement to pick up something while wearing socks, and as soon as you hit the bottom step, your foot splashes, and you cut on the light to realize the basement has flooded, everything is wet and holy crap, how am I supposed to get all this water out of here. (I include the socks because nothing sucks more than wet socks.)

That's what re-reading and editing a novel is like. It starts off just a little sucky and then slowly but surely progresses into "Holy crap this really sucks." You find yourself wading through the pool of words trying to figure out how to take all the stuff that doesn't belong out, and make everything else perfect and nice, and you have no idea how to do it, or if it can even be done.

Like the problem with my novel is, first of all, is my premise even interesting? I think it is, but I'm in my head all day, so of course I think it is. Do the words I put on the page make anyone want to read more, or pull their hair out. Is it ridiculously stupid and idiotic? Will people that read it hand it back to me with a lighter to set it on fire?

Then it makes me think about myself. I wrote it. But, like I said before, I'm in my head all day. There are things that I like and don't like that others don't feel the same about. What if all of that stuff is in the book? What if I'm just not a like-able person and all the stuff I write is also not like-able. What if traits of my characters are things that make readers think the characters are idiots? It would be then that I realize that I must be an idiot inside too. Of course, I have an extremely tough skin when I'm in front of people but still.

Anyway, I just wanted to take a break to tell you how I feel. It sucks right now, and I know I'll get through it and feel a little better when I'm done but right now, holy crap! This sucks.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

RRT: Video Style

Hey Everyone!!!

Last week I asked you all about doing a video for some of my posts instead of typing everything on here and you all agreed that it would be a good idea. Well I'm back with the video and I hope you like it!!!
Tell me what you think! Should I go back to doing things the old fashioned way typing everything or do you enjoy these? What about me being a fan psycho? Leave some comments and tell me whats on your mind.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

RRT: NaNoWriMo is over

Hey there Lovelies!!! Its been quite some time since you've heard from me, and if you've been following, It's because I've been focused on National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). It's finally over and I'll admit that although I'm a bit glad, I'm also a bit sad. Since this was my first NaNo, I'll give some insight on how I felt about it.

To begin, Nano was quite difficult. With school and work, and other activities in my life, it was extremely difficult to come up with the time to do enough each day. I found myself skipping entire days and having to write 3 or 4 times the daily amount of words i order to not fall completely behind.

Its interesting the places you find time when you have none. I found myself writing at work (dont tell my boss), writing while cooking (a dangerous combination for my computer), writing while eating dinner, writing while in the bathroom (dont ask). I used the nice iPhone voice dictation thingy to write a few things in my phones notepad while I was driving, and my showers were spent imagining wonderful bits or dialogue in my head, only to rush out and hurry to type them (we wont talk about how many times I forgot to shave my legs because of this). My computer came with me everywhere, even if I knew I wouldnt have the time. It was at thanksgiving dinner next to the carrot cake, it was in my trunk when I took my dog to the surgeon, it was in my bag when I went out for mom's birthday, and I even took it with me to church. I'll admit, these times only about 30 or so words were written, but I suppose that's 30 or so words that wouldnt have otherwise been written.

There's a reason why you should start NaNo with a clean slate.I started with a Novel I had been working on for quite some time but never had the time to complete. It was about 9,000 words originally, but once I started, only about 6000 words remained because I removed an entire chapter. Nonetheless, keeping up with an accurate wordcount and coming up with new ideas was difficult when part of the novel was already written. I found myself already at 50,000 words well before the final day, but because I already started with words and didnt want to be a cheater I had to keep going. I'll remember that for next time.

I follow a few writers and read their blog posts about how it is to write a book. They talk about how dishes pile up in the sink, laundry doesnt get done, you forget to shower and otherwise lose contact with humanity. Although my experience wasnt quite as rash, I completely understood what they meant. I try to normally keep a pretty organized apartment, but November found me with dishes piled in the sink, the dishwasher, etc. I feasted on leftovers from Sunday dinner st the parents and ramen noodles, tortilla chips and salsa, popcorn, grilled cheeses, and tyson anytizer chicken nuggets. No real cooking was done, except for thanksgiving (hence the comment earlier about the dangerous computer/cooking combination). I spent conversations with people daydreaming about how I could possibly include a conversation like this in my writing. We wont talk about my laundry. The only thing that's saved me with that was the fact that the basket is in my walk in closet and I can close the door. There's no room though to actually walk in the walk-in closet anymore. (I'll have gotten to it by now though...I hope)

I found myself having full blown conversations with myself, out loud in my apartment. Maybe I was going crazy. Sometimes it would be to rationalize how much time I would spend taking a break, other times I would be in the mirror and have a conversation withmyself, pretending that the myself that was in the mirror was some other person, and then go write that conversation into my novel.

I experienced times when I doubted myself and my writing, thinking it sucked, I sucked and I was going to be a pure failure. I remember times when I dreamed of being on the NY Times Bestseller list. I fought internally with myself to try not to remove tons of pages of writing because I felt it probably sucked. I called myself all sorts of idiots and geniuses and failures. My emotions within myself were all over the place and I stressed a bit internally.

I loved writing the novel and still think a lot about how I could make it different. My characters came to life to me and I would imaging seeing them in a crowd and how they would react. I also hated writing the novel because I think I became pretty boring tomy friends. You may be surprised but talking about wordcounts and imaginary characters and worlds and discussing the awesomeness thatis your most recent development in the novel isnt all that exciting to non writers. I've seen a lot of vacant wide eyed expressions mixed with mmhmm's and ahh's as my friends feigned interest in something I could barely explain with words.
I'm proud to say I finished NaNoWriMo, and I won. It's a great feeling, even though I have tons of edits to do before I let anyone read it. I've signed up for Camp NaNoWriMo in the summer next year and will probably be doing NaNo in November next year too. So many other stories are floating around my head and I just have to write them down.

Did you participate in NaNo this year? What were your experiences with it? Will you be doing it again next year?