Thursday, April 2, 2015

Random Rant Thursday: On wanting to be a vampire, and other personal inadequacies

It's been quite some time since I've written an RRT, and that's mainly because I just wasn't feeling it. My wedding, my writing, my reading, my listening to audiobooks, and just my general life have been taking up all my free time, and I haven't wanted to write about what I'm doing or reading or listening to as much as I have wanted to just do it, or read it, or listen to it. Then the other day, I decided I wanted to be a vampire.

Okay, in my defense, I had been listening to the Night Huntress series by Jeaniene Frost (review coming soon) on audio practically every spare second of my day. Ran through the whole 7 book series, plus 1 novella and 5 additional spinoff novels in less than 2 weeks. Thats probably too much supernatural in one span of time for anyone to make any real sense. Then I went out with my husband and his master's program peers one night, had a few drinks, and thought more about the stories I was so obsessed with.

I legit found myself looking around me and wondering if some of the people around me may be vampires and I just wasn't paying attention. I was looking to the skies to see if someone may be flying, and trying to see if there was something just a little too surreal about some of the people around me. Needless to say, I found no such vampires, and I woke up the next morning with a screaming headache.

That isn't to say I don't believe in the existence of some other worldly creature, whether it be vampires, or shapeshifters, or any other strange being. I absolutely do, just like I believe in the existence of a higher power, and likewise in the existence of that higher power's opposing power. In my opinion, it doesn't make sense that just because I don't see that something is there, doesn't mean it's not there.

To me, they all exist outside of my human realm of understanding and viewing, and with that existence comes the urge to become more than who I actually am. All the stories I read and love surround the one basic ideal of one person (or in some cases many people) being secretly more than who everyone else is. They're faster, can read minds, carry magic, control minds, drink blood, eat an over abundance of food,  you name it and they do it. I'm just human though, and I can do none of those things, so what makes me so special, not just to myself but to those around me.

Perhaps that's the underlying reason I picked up jiu jitsu, so I can somehow feel like I'm not wasting my life away and doing nothing to make me stand out from the crowd. Maybe it's why I no longer care when people tell me I'm different because I read a ton, or different because I think slightly different than other people they've met. Maybe it's why I write about girls with superpowers and unexplainable urges. I'm not sure. What I am sure about is that if I had a choice, I would prefer to be a shapeshifter of some sort because in all the stories they get to eat as much as they want and not gain a pound, and they can go out in the sun. Realistically though, I probably wouldn't get much of a choice because vampire, shapeshifter, secret government experiment, or just plain human, I'd make the best of whatever hand I get dealt. What other choice do I really have.

What are your thoughts? Do you believe? Does your reading ever make you wonder about who you are as a person? Do you wonder if you would actually make good decisions if given even a percentage of the power of some of the people in these stories we read? Let me know in the comments below.


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